What struggling with my Mental Health has taught me

When we are faced with challenges, it is difficult to believe that something positive could ever arise out of those periods of darkness, but there is. Sometimes, the most important lessons in life hide within places we never think to look.

I have chatted with a lot of friends lately who are feeling the strain of life. Your 20’s are fuelled by the continuous desire to become your ‘best self’, with social media becoming somewhat of a well-being battlefield with ‘fighters’ competing to prove their self-worth. Some friends are having babies and getting engaged, others are deep into their professional careers in the higher earning tax brackets, whilst the rest are investing in their first mortgage – and if you’re not there yet, it’s easy to fall into the trap of feeling as though you have failed, thanks to society’s paradigm of what constitutes success.

Earlier this year, I too got caught up in the same mental turmoil that everybody else seems to be going through, constantly questioning myself, ‘what am I doing with my life?’ I determined my successes based on the idea that when I moved back to a certain place and started a job in my degree field with who I thought was the love of my life, I would be happier - because that’s what people in their 20’s should be doing – and it mentally destroyed me. The same self-sabotaging thoughts run rings around your mind, ‘’If I haven’t achieved X by Y, then I give up’’, ‘’what am I contributing to life?’’, ‘’X is unrealistic, it’s never going to happen…’’ Sound familiar? You’re happy for other people’s accomplishments, but at the same time you’re not, because you’ve perceived their successes to somehow reflect where you are, (or are not), currently at.

I cannot even figure out where to begin explaining how confusing it felt to be doing everything which society considered to be ‘right’- constantly receiving praise about ‘how well’ you’re doing, when in matter of fact, you’re left feeling utterly empty. One minute, I was kickstarting my graduate career, in a new city, in a relationship, in our first ever little dream home by the coast. The next, I was single, in debt, and had my graduate career snatched away from me, and was back working in hospitality – a career I swore I would never return to once leaving. The whole situation, amongst other toxic elements which professionally I cannot discuss, depleted my mental health. I was completely and utterly burned out.

I learned a few things during this period, the first being that sometimes, fear is your intuition telling you that you’re actually on the right path. I was aware that my current situation at the time was toxic, but I was afraid of the lack of stability, should I remove myself from it. However, it got to a point where what could be gained far out-weighed the risks, and it was the best decision I have ever made so far. It’s funny how much can begin to simply fall into place, when you decide to have a little faith in the universe. 3 months ago I couldn’t see a future – today I’m excited for it.

Life is short. Focus less on your contribution and more on what makes you happy. ‘Success’ is objective, and depends entirely on what you consider success to be. For some, it’s a big fancy house and the jet-life lifestyle, for others it’s having the time and freedom to do the things they love without worry or burden. The concept of what I’m saying is pretty obvious when you decompartmentalise it all on paper, and I know that many of you may read this and consider what I’m saying to be one big cliché. However, let me tell you from my personal experiences this last year – it is dangerous to place your happiness on what could be or should be, and we should try change the ways we think and learn to focus on what simply is - ‘’yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift.’’

Healing is not linear – some days are for waking up at 6 am and seizing the future, others are for crying out the pain in bed. Both are valid. Both are normal. Be patient, the outcome is going to be worth it.

An authentic life is a good life. When we hide our truth from others, it is impossible to be satisfied. Being honest about who you are, no matter the opinion of others, is the foundation for happiness. It is our struggles and mistakes, both past and present, which shape us.

The notion that thoughts create reality is much more than just a nice idea; it is a fact of evolution. Because of our capacity to imagine, we were able to build earth as it is today out of virtually nothing. It is because of language and thought that we were able to create a world within our minds, and ultimately, it is because of language and thought that we have evolved into the society we have today – for better and for worse. The elements of our world were once just solutions to fears. If you consciously learn to regard the problems in your life as openings for you to adopt a greater understanding and then develop a better way for living, you will step out of the labyrinth of suffering and learn what it means to thrive. Ideas are what change lives – and that was the first idea that changed mine.

So… FUCK knowing ‘’what you want to do with your life.’’ What are you going to do today? Who do you love? What makes you curious? What would you do today if you could do anything you wanted? If social media didn’t exist? What do you want to do this weekend? ‘What do I want?’ These are all questions you must ask yourself every day. The things that run true will weave through your life, the ones which pop up again are the ones you’ll follow, and the places you will remain.