A Letter to Anybody Feeling Lonely

A different perspective..

We’ve all been there. It’s Friday night and you’re cosied in bed, having just finished work, in the mood to let off some steam. You drop a couple of messages - no reply. Friends are settled in relationships, others are working unsociable hours. Suddenly you’re scrolling through your Facebook friends, looking for people to reach out to; old friends, new friends, best friends… just somebody to have a natter and a laugh with. Then suddenly it hits, you’re alone… and the thought in that very moment is almost unbearable, right?

You’re not the first person to feel this way, and you certainly won’t be the last. Hell, I’ve been there a lot, and It’s uncomfortable realising you’re on this big blue planet with you, and you only. When it first hits, your heart sinks into your chest - but, although it may not feel like it right now, believe me when I tell you there is so much strength in being comfortable being alone. Heres some motivational advice from your hippie internet sis, what I've learned from the last year or so, for when things are becoming a little too overwhelming.

Raw dogging life on your ones is a process. Learning a whole new you, navigating the world as you figure out what truly sets your soul on fire, gets draining - but whatever has happened which has lead to you suddenly sitting with yourself, may have just happened for a reason. I know that sounds incredibly hippie, free-spirit cliche, but hear me out:

Sometimes, when you’re in a dark place you feel like you have been buried - but actually, you’ve been planted. Think about it…

What if things fall apart so that what is meant to be can come together - if we started to accept that  rejection is simply redirection - in relationships, friendships or jobs - what if that shitty thing was supposed to happen, so that you could finally learn about what you’re willing to accept, and what you’re no longer willing to accept? The feeling of not belonging is a sign that you are supposed to be somewhere else, doing something different. Let it push you, let it shove you - let it force you on to a different path.  Why would you want anybody in your circle who judges you for what you are at your core, anyway?

What if, ‘right person at the wrong time’ is just our way of lying to ourselves, what if it was always the right person at the right time? Even if it didn’t work out, they still served a purpose. They were there to teach you what you want, and what you don’t want. What you deserve, and don’t deserve. That they had to leave, so that you could finally begin to find yourself. How else do we learn in life, how did we ever evolve in the first place, if not through trial and error?

What if right now, your journey isn’t about love and connection. What if right now your journey is simply about being alone. Perhaps, this is the season you are being challenged to wake up in bed with just yourself, and find hope in the way you give yourself permission to take up space in your life. Maybe right now you are being shown that you can take care of yourself, that you can depend on the person you have become - that you can be your own home no matter what comes your way.

Stay away from half ass things. Half ass stories, half ass effort, half ass love, half ass people being half ass there. Sometimes you have to turn the page to realise there’s so much more to life than the chapter you’re currently stuck on. Absolutely, you should be afraid of taking risk and pursuing something meaningful - but you should be more afraid of staying where you are if it’s making you miserable. Don’t keep your future on hold by trying to fix what is meant to stay broken. Follow your dreams and let go of the things that never deserved you in the first place.

The anxiety you feel when you’re making a change and you’re not sure whether you’re making the right decision or not, usually means that you’re in fact doing the right thing. The path to your best you inevitably becomes lonely, as what no longer serves you a purpose, leaves.

Pay attention to that little voice in the back of your head if it's whispering for something more, and that feeling in your gut that something needs to change. When it feels scary to jump, that is exactly when you jump - and once you’re brave enough to let go of that thing which was no good for you, you quickly see how easily things fall back into place.

Doing things alone, teaches you more about yourself than the people you surround yourself with who make you feel lonely. The uncomfortableness pushes you to grow - to make decisions about you, on your own. Sometimes, there will be nobody to go with. Life gets in the way, friends have different priorities, and theres no one else who is down to do what you want to do, but that is not an excuse to miss out. Just because somebody else doesn’t want to do what you want to do, doesn’t mean you don’t.

Had I have waited around for others, I’d have never progressed in pole. Id have never started my dance classes again. I wouldn’t be out here building my dream body at the gym, and I certainly would have never taken the plunge and booked that one way flight. If anything, doing it alone has taught me I can give myself everything I ever wanted, and even better than I could have ever imagined in the first place.

So sure, you could go on hinge and have a random date with a stranger to fill a void you wasn’t even aware you had. You could even go to the pub with that girl you met 3 weeks ago who can’t remember your second name, but thinks you’re a laugh - but surrounding yourself with people who make you feel alone, is self sabotaging and completely not worth your energy. What if you started pouring the energy you give to everybody else, into yourself?I’m proud of how far I’ve come; a once upon a time people pleaser who clung to unhealthy habits to keep people in my life who ultimately filled a void, but made me more empty - to booking a one way ticket to travel across the globe on my own. If I can do it, you can too.

I hope that, for anybody reading this, your desire for peace is stronger than your attachment to people who are not good for you, even when it gets lonely. I hope you choose to accept the truth, even when it doesn’t align with what you wanted to see.

It’s all worth it in the end, trust me, I've been there. Hang tight, the highest version of yourself is waiting for you.