Should I Leave My Relationship to Travel?

My ex and I split after being torn apart by wanting to pursue different life paths, and it is the best thing that ever happened to me.

I’ve been debating writing about this

topic for a long time now, because let’s face it, it’s controversial - and to be completely honest, I was a bit uncomfortable getting down and dirty about my past romantic endeavours. Sure, I’ll sit for hours talking about my mental health, but my dating life , no thank you. I mean, besides the fact that a flump has a more interesting love life than me, it’s pretty tricky to build a relationship with someone when you’re unsure which city or even country you’re going to be in next month.

But this time last year (or so), I did have a boyfriend. A pretty serious boyfriend, in fact.

At the time, I remember thinking ‘this is it', - and at first, that feeling was so exciting. Who doesn’t dream of finding their one? A wise friend once said, ‘love is the most powerful yet destructive force in this world - the closest energy we have to magic’, and if you have ever been lucky enough to be in love, I’m sure you would agree. But - food for thought - is love (always) enough?

For anybody who knew me and my ex, we were like Kevin and Perry. I say that because we were both a pretty stupid, but hilarious duo that just somehow worked. Never in a million years did anybody ever expect us to split. When it was good, we had it really good - and everybody in my social circle, myself included, thought that he was the one.

News flash, he wasn’t.

As things got more serious, I started to become more and more anxious. Not regarding my feelings for him, but regarding what I was wanting out of my life. He was a couple years older than me and had just landed his dream career - so I felt pressured to get my life in order - but at just 22 years old, I found myself having a quarter life crisis.

Post finishing university, in the midst of the pandemic, my mind was riddled with overwhelming thoughts; ‘what career do I want to pursue? Should I be saving for a house? I don’t even know where I want to live… what do I even like? Do I really want to work the next 30-40 years of my life, climbing the corporate ladder for a job I’m not even passionate about? I want a hobby other than Sims lol.’

Ever since leaving college, all I had ever dreamed about was booking a one way ticket to the other side of the world, and working my way back - yet this dream seemed to be thinning, as I was somewhat being shoved into, for lack of better words, ‘the rat race’. I had no idea what my future held, or which way I was heading. What was clear though, was that my boyfriend was never bothered about backpacking, whilst I absolutely was.

I spoke to my best friend who used to be in a long term relationship with a guy she met at university. They met in England, however she came to study from the US. For years they were long distance, and they both had established, full time jobs - but somehow managed to travel for a month or so at a time; reuniting and exploring beautiful countries together in one (dreamy). They now live together in the UK and have never been happier.

I took inspiration from these guys, and formulated a cunning plan. I figured maybe we could compromise, and instead of having a two week holiday in Europe, we could instead save to travel around Bali (etc) for a month. Yeah, it wouldn’t quite be travelling around New Zealand in a campervan for a year, but we could still see bits of the world whilst he continued to progress in his career - a middle ground of sorts - to which we could never agree. He simply just didn’t want to. BUT a house and all of the rest in my early twenties was not the experience that I had been dreaming about since leaving school. I kept worrying, ‘’but what if he’s the one.” Is it right to change your dreams then?’’ No, honey, it isn’t.

I’ve always been the one in my family and amongst my friends, who everyone knew was destined for something different. I’ve always been very driven, and firm on the fact that I would never change my plans for a guy. Your twenties are a time for exploration, chasing your dreams, and general selfishness. Especially when you’re only 22.

I wanted to challenge my independence. I wanted to experience culture shock. I wanted to push myself to think and speak in a whole new language. I wanted to taste local dishes, cooked by locals. I wanted to meet people who were completely different from me culturally. I wanted to show up in a country knowing no one, and be forced to make new friends. I wanted to see who I was outside of a relationship. I wanted to find my passion, and what makes me want to get up in the morning. I wanted to blow my own mind. I wanted to be unapologetically and authentically me.

Was the breakup hard? Anyone who saw me in the months after that, can answer that for you… However, it’s amazing how easy it is to forget your past and your pain when you’re living in a new country surrounded by new friends, having incredible experiences. After months of depression and low self esteem, it was almost too easy to move on the minute that plane landed. Whilst I didn’t date anyone for over a year after my ex and I initially split, I had a great time being single travelling Asia and Indonesia with one of my closest friends.

No, I didn’t have a whirlwind romance with a local, or drink myself sick in bars (except for bali, it’s the northerner in me, I’m sorry). When I say I had a great time being single, I mean I had a great time being on my own. I learned to love myself. I became confident, independent and strong. I worked my arse off for 9 months paying half the rent for a flat I didn’t live in, and throwing the rest of my money straight into a savings pot to make sure I had the best summer of my life this year. I became the woman I always dreamt of becoming. I became a better person.

The truth is, in the end he just wasn’t for me. He would never have backpacked Sri Lanka with me, or gone bungee jumping, zip lining or skydiving. He wouldnt have dared to sleep in cheap hostels whilst being held hostage by cockroaches, trek a Volcano at 2am or try fried scorpions. He wasn’t the type of person who got excited at sunsets. And you know what? That’s fine - but I am.

Once I got to the other side of the world, and was surrounded by SO many people who had similar mindsets to me, I soon realised that I wasn’t crazy, and I wasn’t asking for too much. I was simply asking the wrong person.

I know now, that I do need a person who will stay in crappy hostels and backpack through Asia. I want someone who will spontaneously book a cheap flight to a country they’ve never heard of, at the flick of a switch. I need someone who pushes me to be more adventurous. I want someone who encourages me to take risks, travel the world, and pushes me to be a stronger person.

For those of you considering leaving behind a significant other to travel the world - advice from your 24 year old internet big sis, if the thought has already entered your mind, chances are it’s probably going to happen anyway. The minute that little voice whispers in your head, ‘you deserve more’ or ‘I’m just not happy anymore’ - leave, or you’ll only prolong what’s destined to come regardless, and it hurts a hell of a lot more later.

I was 22 years old when I was thinking about giving up my dream for a life I wasn’t even sure I wanted, for a man - thats crazy. You change so much in your twenties, who knows if you’ll even still love that person a few years from now.

Your twenties are for learning. For healing. For growing. For messing up. For fixing it again - to have fun, to explore and to try and find what sets your heart on fire. I know it may seem like all of your friends are getting engaged (it’s happening to me!!), but there’s no need to find the love of your life in your early twenties. I can’t put into words just how in love with life I have been since the 2nd of February 2022. (My spiritual gang, notice the numbers?)

If your person is really your person, they’ll encourage you to go, even if they can’t. If you’re really meant for each other, you’ll have a whole lifetime to be together. If not, at least you’ll know sooner rather than later, right?

Sometimes you have to turn the page to realise there’s so much more to life than the chapter you’re currently stuck on. You should be afraid of taking a risk and pursuing something meaningful - but you should be more afraid of staying where you are, if it’s making you miserable.